New Camera!

Hey everyone, we finally got our camera. I know these pictures aren't too exciting. But truthfully, sometimes life isn't so exciting either. The above are of our apartment from sitting on the couch and Rebs doing what she does best. If only sleeping were considered an occupation.

Well life is very contrasting right now for Rebs and me. Or at least through this week it has been. Both SEV (where I work) and NEV are gearing up for summer camp, which officially starts this coming Monday. From what Rebs tells me, everyone who works in the offices at Nowon is dreading and not enjoying life for the next 2 weeks. They've already been working extra to prepare for the camp sessions, sometimes pulling 10 hour work days. All the grading for current classes continues, while they pile on extra work and preparations for next week. Sometimes it's just too overwhelming. Sitting at a desk grading homework becomes very monotonous very quickly. Then one feels lethargic and sleepy. Blah.

SEV's summer camp is very similar to Nowon, but for one detail. We have programmers who help to prepare for the summer camp. That means all the work that Rebs does, preparing for extra classes I am exempt from because there are other people whose jobs are just that. They've been having pre-summer camp for the past 2 weeks, which includes swimming in a very large swimming pool with about 75 kids at a time. There's no slide, and definitely no diving board because the water at it's deepest point goes up to my hips. Many kids in Korea cannot swim. There are plenty of large rubber ball good for volleyball, floating on, and pegging kids in the head when they annoy you. Hence, our form of entertainment. It's also very fun to throw the kids, especially the little ones. The fly quite well.

So yes, two very different worlds. While Rebs gets hand cramps in an office space from grading, I get to play at the swimming pool and get a tan. Something doesn't seem right. Do I feel guilty? Yes. But there's not a lot I can do to help Rebs' situation but pray for her and help out around the house more, which I've been doing. Hopefully, things won't be as bad for them as they're expecting.

Hot & Sticky

Soo... we went climbing tonight like we usually do, only when we got there, we found our basement climbing gym had been turned into a sauna. Okay, not really, but it was so stinkin' hot and humid down there that the floor and walls (where there wasn't plywood) were wet. Over the past week, South Korea has turned into a humidor for stinky, fishy things. When the new batch of kids came into the auditorium this morning, I noticed that many of the boys already smelled and there hair was slightly matted from sweat. They were unusually smelly for a Monday. Stench that doesn't normally waft until about Thursday after no showering most of the week. And anyone who tells you that Koreans don't sweat is a liar. In this hot, humid weather, it seems impossible to walk out your front door without feeling the perspiration. And in Korea, they don't seem to believe in or understand the necessity of deodorant. But lucky for us, our parents have stocked us up for the next 2-5 years with a shipment of deodorant and toothpaste (their toothpaste doesn't have fluoride in it). So this means that as teachers, we'll be the sweet smelling roses in the midst of the swamp pits--that is, swampy children's arm pits.

But, alas, the good news is that there is a local shop that sells ice cream at 50% off throughout the summer, which just so happens to be on the walk on our way home from the climbing gym. So after our swampy climbing experience, we cooled off our innards with some delectable sweetness.

Oh yeah, 4th of July

I almost forgot. It's hard to keep track of holidays and birthdays over here in Korea. There's not much here to remind us, so those days often seem to roll by without us really remembering. It's still raining. It stopped long enough last night for us and a few of our friends to have an evening pow-wow up on the soccer field here at SEV. A few even went for a dip in the pool, some with swimsuits, some in their birthday suits (this is completely normal behavior for some). Dusty and I opted to stay dry and keep our clothes on. Dusty played soccer and I enjoyed twirling around, dancing and doing some gymnastics on the field with my friend Kat from Australia. She went to a special college focused around circus performance and majored in contortionism and tissue. Thus, she is extremely flexible and can compete with me when it comes to tricks we have up our sleeve. Our friends watched, stunned and in awe, completely unaware of our talents. Then we watched as they tried to copy us. It's refreshing sometimes to feel the freedom to be child-like.

This morning we did a run to Costco and spent way too much money. But it's nice to have some Western comfort food in the house again. We were down to scraps. We took a new couple with us. They just arrived here last night from Portland, OR. They seem really nice and we've already found some things we have in common. Then we came home and Dusty and I took a nap. I'm really hoping that it doesn't rain tomorrow. We're hoping to go climbing outside. My finger tips are dying for some real rock.

BOO HISSY!!!!

It's raining, it's pouring, the old man is snoring.
Wait! Rather, the 28 year old woman named Rebs is snoring!
Yes, that's right people. It's monsoon season here which means, it is often pouring down rain outside. This is bad for the following reasons:

a. All I want to do is eat, sleep, read, and watch movies. This doesn't bode well for the diet and exercise plan I'm trying to stick to.
b. I can't lay in my beloved hammock unless I want to simultaneously bathe in acid rain.
c. My hair is a big ball of messy, frizzy curls. Oddly enough, Dusty seems to find this attractive. I tend to think I look like I stuck my finger in an electrical outlet.
d. I can't climb outside on real rock. This one almost brings me to tears.

Apparently, monsoon season can last several months. This is then followed by typhoon season which means we will continue to have frequent downpours for several more months. As my friend Rochelle would stay, "STINK!!!"

A peek into our everyday life

Well, I'm just sittin' here at work. The office is so quiet. I just said goodbye to three friends whose contracts just finished yesterday. One will go back to New Zealand, one to the States, and the third, a Korean, will start a new teaching job somewhere else in Seoul. Even though we have two new teachers, the office feels so empty. Last night, on their final night, a big group of us went and got fruit soju at a little place near our house. It was delicious.

Sunday was such a great day. I was just thinking about how awesome it was. It was long and full, but so much fun. In case any of you are interested in what our life is like in Seoul on a Sunday, here's a recap:
7:15: Wake up
7:15-8:00: Get ready
8:00-9:30: Travel to church. Yeah, it's kinda far away.
9:30-12:30: Church followed by fellowship and small prayer group gatherings with our Ooweh ministry. Borrow a couple spiritual reads from my new friend, Natalie.
12:30-1:00: My first motercycle ride in Seoul. And... I didn't die! Better yet, all limbs are still intact!
1:00-2:00: Korean style lunch with a bunch of friends. (spicy chicken, rice, and vegetables)
2:00-3:00: Shop around Ewha, buy some new earrings, spend waaay too much money on a caramel frappacino at Starbucks.
3:00-5:00: Meet up with my friends and Dusty at the soccer field at Ewha Women's University. Fight to keep Dusty from stealing my delicious drink. Sit on the sidelines and watch them play soccer while I read and talk with a couple friends.
5:00-6:00: Travel to Coex mall at Samseong. Become completely overwhelmed and overstimulated as we walk through to the movie theater. Coex is a HUGE underground shopping mall with everything you could possibly imagine.
6:00-7:00: Eat an awesome, AWESOME burger and fries. My first real burger in 8 months.
7:00-9:00: See the Korean film, "The Crossing" with English subtitles. It's the story of North Koreans leaving their families and risking their lives to cross the border into China. It's their only chance of hope for a future. I am deeply disturbed once again and I cry.
9:00-10:30: Get some drinks and talk with some new friends we've just met. They've worked with the North Korean refugees here in Seoul. This is a population we plan to start building relationships with soon. One of the guys we meet is Fijian, meaning he is from the islands of Fiji. He speaks five languages and has lived in lots of places. A real genuine person with an interesting life story. I'm fascinated by his life.
10:30-12:00: Trek home. Two subway lines, one bus, and a short 1/4 mile walk.
12:00: Collapse in our bed, exhausted. But a good exhausted. My heart is full again.

Messy Rebs

Usually, when I blog, my thoughts are somewhat happy and chipper. Lately, I haven't written anything at all. There are a few reasons for this. I've been extremely busy and haven't had much time to process my thoughts. Also, I've been struggling with my spirituality and relationship with God and haven't known how to articulate it. But, after several months, the writing bug is back. I'm compelled to write, even if the content is solemn and incoherent. So here it is, the ugly, messy, honest side of Rebs.

Right now in my life, I feel like I have a lot of unanswered questions about my personal faith. I guess you could say I'm going through my "second conversion" and it's really not so much fun. Until this point, my life as a Believer in Christ had been relatively safe and comfortable. My faith hadn't been truly challenged or tested until coming here to Korea. Now that I'm here, now that I'm away from the confines of my comfortable little life in middle America, now that I'm living in community with all sorts of people with all sorts of beliefs, now that I'm challenged by others who don't think like me or believe the same things as me, now that I'm away from a healthy body of Believers who love and support me on a consistent basis, well... it's getting much more difficult to hold firm to my beliefs.

For the past several months, God has seemed like this distant figure. It's like God lives back in America with the rest of my family and friends. This is not cool, because NOW is the time when I need God in my life the most. NOW is when I need to be getting filled up on a regular basis. NOW is when I need wisdom, discernment, and answers to my questions. There are so many people here with questions. So many people are searching for answers. So many people are looking to me for guidance and mentorship. And I am empty. Argh! Where is MY guide? Where is God?

If Jesus were standing before me now I would ask Him the following, “How the crap am I supposed to be in the world but not of the world?” And yes, I would ask him just like that, with attitude and exasperation because, I would want Him to know how frustrated I am with things. I am definitely feeling like I'm in the world now. And I don't feel that I'm of this world or living for the pleasures of this world. No, instead I feel like a stranger in a foreign land and it's tough. I don't feel prepared. I don't know how to do it.

I was so sure when I left my life in America that this is where God wanted me. I was willing and able to come here to Korea because God gave me the courage and inner peace. I felt so grounded in who I was in God. I felt like I had a good foundation of what it meant to be a follower of Jesus. And I so wanted to come here so that God could use me to spread his love to people living without answers, without hope, without peace in their lives. My purpose in life made sense. I felt ready.

The world has really shaken me up lately. Looking back, I'm starting to realize how sheltered I've been since becoming a Believer. For four years, I was surrounded by people who loved me, supported me, encouraged me, nurtured me in my faith. I was part of a healthy church, had healthy friends, with healthy marriages, and was surrounded by people with mature faith who were full of wisdom, advice, and guidance. I wish I could've written it all down because I'm starting to feel like all that I've learned is slowly slipping away. I'm starting to fall apart. Things don't make as much sense as they once did and life is becoming more complicated. For eight months I've been testing my wings of faith. At first they worked great but I'm quickly growing tired. I'm running out of fuel and I don't know how to fill myself back up. I feel like my time is being wasted. I'm losing sight of my purpose. I don't feel like I'm accomplishing my job. I feel useless, powerless, and out of control. I feel lost, alone, confused, broken, and I'm struggling. I don't feel like the person I was eight months ago who was so eager to love. Somehow I've slowly become filled with a whole range of negative emotions which impede my ability to love others. Some of these include irritability, anger, frustration, fear, judgmentalism, confusion, loneliness, and bitterness. None of which I feel able to control and none of which I know how to get rid of. I don't want to feel like this. I'd so much rather feel happy, loving, joyful, carefree, optimistic, freespirited, and lighthearted.

But, I'm not giving up. I can't. Because that would mean that my entire life would cease to make sense. No, I'm a fighter and I will persevere and wade through this time of darkness. And this I know, there is a light at the end of this tunnel. I can't see it yet, but I know that it's there. How do I know? Because I have faith and I have committed my life to God. I Believe in Him even when he feels far away. And I know that someday I will look back on this time in my life and thank Him for all He's taught me.

Watch out for Monsoon Season

So monsoon season started two days ago and it's been raining ever since. Okay, not really all the time, but it has rained every day for the majority of the day since it started. But Friday is supposed to be mostly clear. The good news is that we live up near the mountain, so the air is about 5 degrees cooler on average than in the city. It's kind of cool (literally and metaphorically) because when you start walking up the street toward our village, you can feel the change. It's refreshing now that the weather is warmer. And there's a lot of vegetation as well, especially for Seoul, which is mostly 3 or more story buildings, sidewalks, concrete, pavement, and dirt playgrounds. Yes, I said dirt. There is no "free" grass to sit on or play in for the most part. There are just too many people, so whenever it's planted, it usually wears away because too many people trample it out. So when you walk by a playground, you can always expect to see a light brown dirt covering mixed with some sand. It's a little saddening.
I guess this is it for now. I just had a few minutes to kill before going into work. oh, and here's my attempt at linking a video to the title of this message. Our friend Jeremy took a sequence of pictures starting at his apartment door and making the trip to "On the Border" in Sinchon, about an hour away. This is just about the same commute we take to go to church every week. It's really creative photography, and if you watch closely, you might see some people you know. ;) Just go up to the top and click on the title "Watch out for Monsoon Season"