I Popped My Bubble

I no longer live my life inside a bubble. I have no bubble anymore. It popped when I moved to Seoul. And now I'm starting to see life from a new perspective. My eyes have been opened to the rest of the world... outside the comfort and security of my little bubble that I called home.

I don't really have a home anymore. When people ask me where home is, I stare blankly for a minute before saying, "I'm not sure". I guess right now my home is Seoul, South Korea. However I don't speak or read Korean and I stick out like a sore thumb. By the way, how does a sore thumb stick out anyway?

So now you might be wondering, "What is life like outside your bubble"? Well, let me tell you... so scary and uncomfortable yet so satisfying and fulfilling at the same time. Make sense? I know, no, not really, but that's how it feels.

I'm growing so much spiritually in my life right now. I'm starting to realize how much I've lived a life of privilege, wealth, and excess in a country that is so focused and obsessed with money and things of this world. Living in Amreica, it's so hard not to get sucked in. It's a pressure that has always pulled at me. I think as I grew up, money and things became my idols; things I couldn't live without. I didn't realize how addicted I was to that life until trying to live without it all.

Deep in my heart, the part where God resides, I desire the humble life. I truly want to purge myself from the burden of always feeling like I need more. I want so much to be satisfied and content with what God has given me. After all, it's so much more than most others in the world will ever know. It's just that my selfish desires always seem to get in the way. I mean, I loooove clothes. I love when I have something new to wear. It seriously brings me more happiness than almost anything else in this world. It's just that, after a few times wearing those new clothes, they lose their newness and I'm craving more new clothes. This gets expensive and is also unnecessary (though I often try to convince Dusty otherwise). My point is that the majority of people in the world need this money a million times more than I do. I've been very convicted of this since moving to Seoul and opening my eyes to the rest of the world.

I've been told before how blessed I am and though I knew it must be true, I could never grasp the full meaning. Now I'm starting to comprehend what I've been hungry to understand for so long. And while it's good to have that breakthrough, I am left with a difficult choice to make. With this new understanding, do I continue to live a life of excess or do I humble myself and learn to live a life of humility? It's constant battle in my head.

It's not that I feel I must be poor, but I truly do wish to live without the excess. So how do I overcome my addiction? Well, this is where God comes in. He is what sustains me. Everyday, it seems He calls me to humble myself in some way, to do with less, to open my eyes to those less fortunate. And everyday, I've been choosing to follow Him. With each decision, my faith in Him grows deeper. He's slowly molding me; I'm slowly letting Him. I'm finally letting go of control. I'm surrendering. He's in control now and He's using me. I can feel Him using me and it is the most amazing feeling. He's preparing my way and putting amazing opportunities in front of me.

I'm seeing the world outside my bubble for the first time. It's a world of pain and suffering; a world desperate for God. I want to show them who He is. I want to show them the love that He has shown me. I want them to know the peace and satisfaction that comes with knowing Him. I don't want to turn my back on the world anymore. I'm learning that joy doesn't exist in selfish greed and excess but in the freedom of simplicity and the opportunity to show others God's love.