To Do Nothing

Have you ever made it a goal to do nothing? It's more challenging for some than others. If you asked me a few years ago how often I tried to do nothing, I don't think I could have said ever. I always wanted to be going and doing stuff. I liked being challenged and experiencing new things, which I still do today, only with more balance. In college one semester, I was taking 18 hours of classes, working 10 hours of work study, swimming for the swim team 2 hours a day, lifting weights every other day, being an R.A., and trying to get a rock climbing wall pushed through the bureaucracy of our school. All this just to see how much I could push myself. One afternoon before swim practice, I was working on a 10-page paper when my computer froze and I lost 2 pages. I didn't have time to rewrite it and I had to go to practice. There was this sinking feeling of despair, like I couldn't keep up. I told my coach (who happened to be my sister) what had happened. She knew me well and saw how distressed I was and told me to take the day off. I sat on the pool deck and cried for about 10 minutes, then fell asleep there on the concrete deck for 45 minutes. I was empty. I had reached the breaking point.

From that experience, I know what it feels like to be too busy. I also think being married has helped me to slow down a bit. Just to enjoy life sometimes. That's sort of where I am in life right now. it's a continual process because this world keeps pushing us to keep up with the latest and greatest, increasing our efficiency and flexibility, seeing how much we can cram into the day.

This year is a year of nothing for me. Recently in one of my classes (I teach ESL at a college for Korean students), we were working on telling the date. One girl said "two thousand ten", and for a split second I had to think about it. No wait, it's 2011. This year is our first year to do the same thing as last year. We're living at the same place, working the same job, doing pretty much the same thing as we did the year before. When I think about it, my old self wants to jump in and tell me I'm not making any progress. But in truth, I'm happy with my life. This will be the first year since we've been married that we didn't have to pack up and move. Moving is great for not being attached to your stuff, but it's not exactly fun.

I still feel like I'm growing and changing. Family has become a much higher priority to me, so sometimes Rebs and I will stay home on a weekend, or skip a workout to just be. Someone once told me that you don't have to always be efficient because God is perfectly efficient on His own. I like that. it takes the pressure off. Go at the pace you feel comfortable with.