A Short Story (Part 2)

At first, Korea felt really hard. Everything was much bigger and faster than where they had come from.










Fortunately, they worked with many other foreigners who helped them. They made friends and didn't feel so lonely.


















They worked with children that didn't speak the same language. They were supposed to teach them English, but found that much of their jobs required more entertainment than education, hence the term "edutainment".

A Short Story (Part1)

Once upon a time, there lived a boy and girl in Arkansas. They had a dog and a house on Blueberry Lane. The boy had a job and worked very hard and prospered. The girl was very smart and went to school. They both enjoyed rock climbing.



They loved their life and everyone they shared it with, but something felt missing. So they took a trip around America in search of that missing something.


The trip was really fun, but they didn't find what they were looking for.
Sometimes all you know is that you want life to be different.









Along the way, some bad things happened.



The boy and girl decided to leave their familiar life and comfortable home on Blueberry Lane. They packed up everything they owned, left their dog with family...




and flew far away to a mystical place called South Korea.

Be Present

As this chapter of our lives begins to close, we have been feeling all sorts of different emotions. Anger, excitement, anxiety, to name a few. I've noticed irregularity in my sleep. This morning, I woke up at 6:15 and was wide awake, long before the sun came up. That's not a normal thing. I chose to take that time to check a few random thoughts online, such as, how far is it to bike from Tulsa to Tahlequah? (about 80 miles) It's thoughts like these that keep me wound up. Somewhat pointless, I know. But the underlying theme is that I'm stressed.

I never thought that the thought of moving back to America would make me to feel this way. It was 5 years ago around this time that I was feeling the same kind of stress about moving to Korea. I had a million questions, not knowing what living on the other side of the world would look like. Fortunately, we had a great recruiter who was able to answer our questions and was continually reassuring us that it would be okay.

Now, we are on the reverse side of it all. Yes, we know what we are returning to, but having lived in another culture for 4 years has truly changed me. One of my fears is that I will return and see old friends who think I am the same person they knew 4 years ago. I think I am to an extent, but have also had many life-changing experiences. My thinking is different, so to assume that I am the same is selling me short. I'm afraid once my friends realize I'm not the same, it may cause distance between us if we can't find a way to bridge that gap. If you're one of my friends back home and are reading this, my best recommendation to you is to do research on Korea in order to understand where I'm coming from (literally and figuratively). Think of good questions to ask, to show that you care more about me than just the fact that I'm in your life.

Coming home has all sorts of different moods. We have experienced the excited, dreaming stage, where I think about living a life of solitude in a cabin in the woods. Sounds dreamy, doesn't it? But those romantic feelings are long past now, replaced by questions like, What am I going to do for work? Will I be able to live without internet for several months? Will my friends from America remember me, or better yet, will we be able to relate to each other? And so it continues...

The one thing I do know and am able to control, is that I am here, now. What I mean is that I have the opportunity/challenge for the next 2 months to be present with the friends we have here in Korea. Daily, I have to remind myself of this. I never want to be waiting or wishing for another time, because God gave me this time to make the most with the people I'm around now.

One great example of this was Thanksgiving. We have become fairly adaptive in our situation here, and are pretty resourceful when it comes to food. So for Thanksgiving, we had several of our closer climbing friends over to share in good company and food. Rebs and I took care of most of the cooking, which turned out to be a hit with our friends. We had chickens instead of turkey, but everything else was pretty much the same, only made from scratch because it's our only option here. Corn casserole, green bean casserole, mashed potatoes and turkey gravy, sweet potato casserole, stuffing, and homemade cranberry sauce. It was pretty fantastic (toot! toot!). All to be topped off with Rebs' homemade pumpkin pie! (Sorry, no picture. I think we were too excited to eat it.)

One thing I really appreciate here is that everyone is accepted. At our Thanksgiving, we had a couple military friends, a few English teachers, and a Russian grad-student. But in Korea, everything is "normal", meaning it doesn't matter if you're not from around here... because none of us are. We celebrate each others' differences and are usually open to learn from each other instead of segregate. Thank you to my Korean friends for that.

Hard copy checklist

As the time for us to move back home draws closer, my thoughts and emotions about our big, upcoming transition continue to grow in intensity. The past few weekends have been spent with many of my favorite people in Korea. I'm feeling fresh and filled up from all the amazing relationships I've gotten to relish in and build upon lately. I'm so fortunate and thankful for the life we've gotten to enjoy in Korea and I'm going to be really sad when I have to say goodbye to all the people and things that I love here. What an amazing 4-year journey it's been.

At the same time, I look forward to the life that awaits us back home and I'm thankful for so many things that will come with that change. As one chapter closes another big adventure is set to begin. Loose ends are being tied and preparations are being made for the future. It's scary and exciting! I am constantly wondering and daydreaming about what God has in store for us next. At the same time, part of me is doubting His ability to top the chapter I'm finishing now. I want to revel in every last word that He's writing now and read it all slowly and carefully, so as to squeeze out and savor every last drop of enjoyment that's here for me. It's a strange place to be, on the brink of transformation. I remember feeling similarly before graduating high school, college, and getting married.

Today, I went to the doctor to get refills on my monthly prescriptions for my thyroid, allergies, and asthma (talk about getting all the negative health genes in the family). I walked in (no appointment necessary), waited 5 minutes, talked to the doctor for 3 minutes (he always greets me warmly), paid the equivalent of $3, then walked across the street to the pharmacy, waited another 5 minutes for my medicine while drinking my complimentary vitamin C juice (by the pharmacist who also greets me warmly), paid another $15 for my 3 medications (that would run me about $200 back home), then was on my way. As I was sitting waiting for my prescriptions I started thinking how much I was going to miss the ease, simplicity, and affordability of the Korean healthcare system. This thought led to more thoughts about many of the things I'm going to miss in Korea. Suddenly I was sitting there all teary-eyed, painfully realizing (again) that leaving Korea is going to be hard. As time continues to tick down, this thought seems to surface often and is usually followed by increasing feelings of sadness. I know it's a perfectly normal emotion to be experiencing right before ending a chapter in life. As I sat there in the pharmacy with my sadness, I came up with a mental checklist of things I will either miss about Korea or be happy to leave behind. Without further adieu, here is a hard copy more for myself than anything else.

Things I'm going to miss:
- my friends who are basically my family now, some of which I might never see again face to face.
- the diversity of friendships I have here. I literally have good friends from all corners of the earth.
- open-minded people. people who don't necessarily think the same way as me or share my spiritual faith but still respect me.
- my korean family at our climbing gym.
- a communal culture that values the common good over narrow self-interest, independence, and self-indulgence.
- living simply and easily within my means and not being too attached to my material possessions.
- my 20 hour/4 day work week (full-time pay).
- 4 months paid vacation a year. the time and means to travel extensively and experience new ways of life.
- having the free time to pursue my passions and discover new ones.
- as previously mentioned, efficient and affordable healthcare.
- the extensive and cheap public transportation system (bus, train, subway).
- the squishy, uber-flat, asphalt river trail just outside my house.
- fresh, local, seasonal, and affordable produce.
- the sweetest strawberries, juciest peaches, most fragrant purple grapes, crunchiest apples, and abundant persimmons.
- a farmers market that is open all day, everyday
- the wrinkled, old, hunched over ladies that sell the produce at said farmers market.
- the amazing vegetable gardens and grape vineyards along the river trail by my house.
- the endless hiking trails outside my front door.
- the dozen or so climbing areas within 1 1/2 hours drive.
- cheap acupuncture and alternative/oriental medicine.
- floor heat.
- $5 jimjilbangs. Sauna/spa like places that are oh, so relaxing yet affordable.
- really delicious, homemade kimchi.
- quick, cheap, healthy food options.
- squatty potties.

Things I'm NOT going to miss:
- crazy, erratic drivers.
- ridiculously slow, incompetent drivers.
- scarcity of toilet paper and/or soap in restrooms (especially in restaurants).
- toilet paper dispensers at the front entrance of the restroom instead of the stall (what to do when one wipe just isn't enough).
- girls smoking in the bathrooms at school.
- boys smoking at the end of the hallways at school.
- the wafting sewage smells.
- old men hocking up loogies and spitting them all over the ground.
- dodging said loogies on the ground.
- old men peeing in public places in plain sight.
- old men getting drunk and obnoxious on soju.
- kimchi/soju breath (especially in the morning).
- people staring at me wherever I go.
- lack of personal space.
- our leaky roof
- the premium price placed on dairy products.
- the lack of cheese selection.
- the humidity in the summer.

I suppose that's a good start. Living in Korea has really changed me. Of course I'm still the same; same inherent personality, temperament, spiritual foundation. But I've learned, grown, and yes, changed. I have new perspectives on nearly everything. I think more outside the box now. My biggest fear in coming home is that I'll fall right back into my old negative patterns of existence that I've worked so hard to extinguish. Patterns that my culture at home will tempt me to embrace. But I have high hopes for myself that what I've learned from this chapter will stick with me and I'll be able to go home and continue living out my life with purpose and intention. I hope to stand firm and not veer from the path I'm on. I've just gone to see the world, now maybe I can live up to my desire and be the change I want to see back home.

Friendship

Friendships are rather complex, if you ask me. I haven't had too many friends that just "clicked" outright. This probably says more about me than the friends I have. Recently, I've been analyzing what makes a good friend. Here's my list so far. Feel free to contribute your own additions.
1. Have something in common: This could be as simple as a favorite color (if you're 5), movie genre, gas station (Quiktrip), job (if you enjoy it), sports, hobbies. Pretty much anything that you can talk about and share enthusiasm over.
2. Have matching communication: This is a more intricate detail, not easily described in words. Interrupting is a good example. Some people (person A) may interrupt others because they are so excited about the information they want to share. Other people (peron B) choose to wait to speak until there is a pause in the conversation. Neither is necessarily right or wrong, they're just different. But when person A and person B get together to chat, A might think B is uptight or rigid, while B thinks A is rude and doesn't let people think. Other examples: comfort with silence, eye contact, body language.
3. Similar levels of openness: This one is a doozy! Basically, both people need to feel like they can be themselves. It's this unspoken rule that you can only share so much about yourself before another shares the same. If the other person doesn't open up the way you did, then you wonder if you said too much. This is the same with giving advice. Many people have mentor friends without knowing it. That's when A is always going to B when they need advice. But B never goes to A in the same way. It's like a big brother or sister instead of an equal friend. When both people are able to open up, be themselves, ask questions, give and get answers, and receive acceptance in all this, then the friendship is genuine.
4. Shared sense of care: This one is all about not having an agenda. There are many ways to show another person you care about them, but the main point is that your friend knows you care about them. When you contact someone via one of today's various technologies (Facebook, email, phone, text, etc), how often do you contact that person without a reason? I think in today's day and age, it's easy to get so busy that we begin to only think about ourselves. How do I get everything done I need to today? When we are able to slow down and think about people that are important in our lives, our close friends are probably some of the first that come to mind. It's important to care for others, just as it is to feel cared for. This is why a "pointless" phone call or message can go so far. Being married, I know that "just because" gifts go much further than birthday gifts, or any other time gifts are expected. "Just because" means "I thought of you for no other reason than that I care for you." Love is not a fulfillment of an expectation; it is a pouring out of one's heart.
5. Have something to offer: This one sounds pretty simple, but many people go into friendships with the perspective of, "what can I get out of this?" In it's most raw form, this outlook is not a friendship; it's a business endeavor. Having something to offer means, you are willing to give of yourself because you care about the other person, no strings attached. It's very closely related to #4. Friendship goes against the grain of our society because it can't be measured in worth. You can't buy or sell a friendship. So in light of this, you have to be willing to give of yourself without expecting anything in return. Some might say, "you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours." But this perspective falls short. You will always be looking for ways to make things even. Yes, a friendships works best when it's equally yoked, but if the friendship itself is hinged on this point, it is not made to last. If you can learn to give without expecting in return, you have learned the greatest and toughest point. Unconditional love.

Intrinsic Motivation

I watched a short webinar recently about finding your passions. It was done by this girl who is sort of a life coach and writes about that exact topic. I won't get into all the details, but one thing that stuck out to me was her definition and explanation of intrinsic versus extrinsic motivations. I think I already knew what they were, but never had them explained so concisely. Intrinsic motivation means you are motivated by the work itself, while extrinsic motivation is motivated by the outcome.

An example: If you love your work as an artist, you may not be so much as interested in the final product of the painting you just made, as much as you are in the process it took to get there. Each brush stroke has meaning. All the thoughts come together to create the mural. Yes, you are satisfied with the piece of art you show to people. But it holds more meaning to you because of the process it took to get there, and you enjoyed every minute of it.

In contrast, extrinsic motivations are incentives used to get to the end. You want to hurry and get it over with so you can move on to something different/better. More money is the obvious one. If you made a higher salary, do you think you will be happier? Extrinsic motivation thinks of the end. You want to sell as many products to make the most profit to make the company thrive to make the boss happy to get you a raise. Do you enjoy selling the product? Or are you trying to make a buck? Obviously, I am one-sided in my perspective, but I still participate in the incentives program.

Today's culture seems to be fueled by extrinsic motivation, except for the occasional guilt trip by a superior that you should enjoy your job, which in turn can cause another extrinsic motivation to act happy to get your boss off your back. Working on commission is supposed to encourage the employee to sell more because the employee should be motivated to make more money.

Sports are another example. Every football team wants to win the Superbowl. But how many athletes love to practice? I believe it is those who embrace every aspect of the game, including the practice, the sweat, the team camaraderie that are intrinsically motivated. When I swam in college, it wasn't until my senior year that I became intrinsically motivated. I actually loved going to practice. I enjoyed the way my body sliced through the water after working my body into shape. The pain was worth it because I felt better, stronger, afterwards. Of course I was motivated to win, but I think it was the intrinsic motivation that drove me to swim my personal best at the end of the season.

I have been able to enjoy intrinsic motivation in my climbing as well. Many people know I climb, but I think few people (other than those who climb) understand why. From an outside perspective, I am not gaining anything. There is no prize at the end. For 95% of the people who climb, it is not an occupation. There's no money or fame involved. Ah, but these are extrinsic. Climbing is largely an intrinsic sport, something foreign to our society. Yes, some people climb to be the best, or at least better than "him" or "her". But I think the large majority does it because it is fun. The feeling of using your body, working through problematic sequences, soaking in the sunshine, being encouraged by your peers, groaning together when you fall. When the competition is removed, intrinsic motivation remains. And I love it. Why? Because of the process. I may climb 5.9 or 5.14d, but the process is the same nonetheless. We are meant to enjoy the process of getting to the top.

From Sweat to Sweatshirts

Fall is here, or so it seems. Two days ago we had the air conditioning running for most of the day, but today Rebs had had a sweatshirt on for about half the day. Seasons in Korea are like that. And the funny thing to me is that the Koreans know exactly when it is. I remember having a conversation with our climbing gym owner a few years ago. We were making plans to go climbing a week or so later. He checked his calendar and then shook his head, saying, "No. Monsoon season." We asked him when it started and he told us in about a week. Sure enough, a week later it was pouring down buckets. Then we had about 2 weeks of normal conditions, though a bit humid. And then typhoon season came for 2 more weeks. Apparently the weather here is just as predictable as the driving-- meaning that initially it seems like total chaos. But after you've been driving in the country, you know exactly what's going to happen without the warning of a turn signal (an Asian sign of weakness).

Rebs is elated. She was just wishing Fall to be here, and now it is. We have the next month lined up with climbing, camping, seeing old friends who are leaving the country. It is definitely the time to be outside. I was reminded recently that we ought to seek peace and joy in our lives. This weather makes it easy to do just that.

It also happens to be apple and eggplant season right now. We eat our vegetables seasonally over here, picking them up cheap and fresh at the daily farmer's market in downtown Gyeongsan. You can get 3-5 eggplants for about $1, and i got about 15 apples for $3. It's great incentive for creativity and experimentation with new recipes. Rebs recently mastered her first attempt at baba ghanoush (aka eggplant hummus), while I currently have a crock pot of what will hopefully turn out to be some delicious apple butter. i make a point to save many of our glass bottles for this sort of occasion.

A big thing going on back home is that my brother-in-law, Cass Harris, is trying to record and produce his first album via Kickstarter. I love this guy a lot and think he is a very talented musician and has something special to share with the world. His songs are soulful, not your run-of-the-mill anything. I highly recommend going and checking out what he's doing.