Surreal

For the first time in awhile, I'm feeling happy, excited, and thankful! I always seem to get depressed around this time of year, this one has been no exception. It's cold, it's dark, it's windy, I'm basically unemployed, I haven't climbed outside in months, and I've entered into a massive state of transition in basically every aspect of my life. Our apartment is nearly empty, the kitchen has becoming a sad, barren place, there is no place to sit except the floor, and most of our belongings are either en route to America or have been given away. Over the past two months, our life in Korea has slowly and methodically been taken apart piece by piece. It's been a long, emotional process for me. But what is starting to emerge is hope and ambition for our future.

The light at the end of this long, tedious tunnel of moving back to America is growing brighter each and every day. With it, I sense myself starting to come alive again. The end of a wonderfully thick chapter in my life is about to give way to a new one. I will miss my friends, my easy paycheck, and the uniqueness of our life here, but there is so much to look forward to in coming home. Best of all, we get to reunite with all our family and friends. As we continue to check things off our to-do list here, the burdensome tasks and anxious thoughts have started to fade away, allowing previously fuzzy dreams and possibilities to become tangible. Two weeks from today we'll hop on a plane bound for America with no plan to return to Korea. And we'll push 'play' on so many things that have been on 'pause' for several years. Now that is surreal!

Current State of Living

What I've been up to today:



What Dusty and Epic have been up to:

A Short Story (Part 2)

At first, Korea felt really hard. Everything was much bigger and faster than where they had come from.










Fortunately, they worked with many other foreigners who helped them. They made friends and didn't feel so lonely.


















They worked with children that didn't speak the same language. They were supposed to teach them English, but found that much of their jobs required more entertainment than education, hence the term "edutainment".

A Short Story (Part1)

Once upon a time, there lived a boy and girl in Arkansas. They had a dog and a house on Blueberry Lane. The boy had a job and worked very hard and prospered. The girl was very smart and went to school. They both enjoyed rock climbing.



They loved their life and everyone they shared it with, but something felt missing. So they took a trip around America in search of that missing something.


The trip was really fun, but they didn't find what they were looking for.
Sometimes all you know is that you want life to be different.









Along the way, some bad things happened.



The boy and girl decided to leave their familiar life and comfortable home on Blueberry Lane. They packed up everything they owned, left their dog with family...




and flew far away to a mystical place called South Korea.

Be Present

As this chapter of our lives begins to close, we have been feeling all sorts of different emotions. Anger, excitement, anxiety, to name a few. I've noticed irregularity in my sleep. This morning, I woke up at 6:15 and was wide awake, long before the sun came up. That's not a normal thing. I chose to take that time to check a few random thoughts online, such as, how far is it to bike from Tulsa to Tahlequah? (about 80 miles) It's thoughts like these that keep me wound up. Somewhat pointless, I know. But the underlying theme is that I'm stressed.

I never thought that the thought of moving back to America would make me to feel this way. It was 5 years ago around this time that I was feeling the same kind of stress about moving to Korea. I had a million questions, not knowing what living on the other side of the world would look like. Fortunately, we had a great recruiter who was able to answer our questions and was continually reassuring us that it would be okay.

Now, we are on the reverse side of it all. Yes, we know what we are returning to, but having lived in another culture for 4 years has truly changed me. One of my fears is that I will return and see old friends who think I am the same person they knew 4 years ago. I think I am to an extent, but have also had many life-changing experiences. My thinking is different, so to assume that I am the same is selling me short. I'm afraid once my friends realize I'm not the same, it may cause distance between us if we can't find a way to bridge that gap. If you're one of my friends back home and are reading this, my best recommendation to you is to do research on Korea in order to understand where I'm coming from (literally and figuratively). Think of good questions to ask, to show that you care more about me than just the fact that I'm in your life.

Coming home has all sorts of different moods. We have experienced the excited, dreaming stage, where I think about living a life of solitude in a cabin in the woods. Sounds dreamy, doesn't it? But those romantic feelings are long past now, replaced by questions like, What am I going to do for work? Will I be able to live without internet for several months? Will my friends from America remember me, or better yet, will we be able to relate to each other? And so it continues...

The one thing I do know and am able to control, is that I am here, now. What I mean is that I have the opportunity/challenge for the next 2 months to be present with the friends we have here in Korea. Daily, I have to remind myself of this. I never want to be waiting or wishing for another time, because God gave me this time to make the most with the people I'm around now.

One great example of this was Thanksgiving. We have become fairly adaptive in our situation here, and are pretty resourceful when it comes to food. So for Thanksgiving, we had several of our closer climbing friends over to share in good company and food. Rebs and I took care of most of the cooking, which turned out to be a hit with our friends. We had chickens instead of turkey, but everything else was pretty much the same, only made from scratch because it's our only option here. Corn casserole, green bean casserole, mashed potatoes and turkey gravy, sweet potato casserole, stuffing, and homemade cranberry sauce. It was pretty fantastic (toot! toot!). All to be topped off with Rebs' homemade pumpkin pie! (Sorry, no picture. I think we were too excited to eat it.)

One thing I really appreciate here is that everyone is accepted. At our Thanksgiving, we had a couple military friends, a few English teachers, and a Russian grad-student. But in Korea, everything is "normal", meaning it doesn't matter if you're not from around here... because none of us are. We celebrate each others' differences and are usually open to learn from each other instead of segregate. Thank you to my Korean friends for that.

Hard copy checklist

As the time for us to move back home draws closer, my thoughts and emotions about our big, upcoming transition continue to grow in intensity. The past few weekends have been spent with many of my favorite people in Korea. I'm feeling fresh and filled up from all the amazing relationships I've gotten to relish in and build upon lately. I'm so fortunate and thankful for the life we've gotten to enjoy in Korea and I'm going to be really sad when I have to say goodbye to all the people and things that I love here. What an amazing 4-year journey it's been.

At the same time, I look forward to the life that awaits us back home and I'm thankful for so many things that will come with that change. As one chapter closes another big adventure is set to begin. Loose ends are being tied and preparations are being made for the future. It's scary and exciting! I am constantly wondering and daydreaming about what God has in store for us next. At the same time, part of me is doubting His ability to top the chapter I'm finishing now. I want to revel in every last word that He's writing now and read it all slowly and carefully, so as to squeeze out and savor every last drop of enjoyment that's here for me. It's a strange place to be, on the brink of transformation. I remember feeling similarly before graduating high school, college, and getting married.

Today, I went to the doctor to get refills on my monthly prescriptions for my thyroid, allergies, and asthma (talk about getting all the negative health genes in the family). I walked in (no appointment necessary), waited 5 minutes, talked to the doctor for 3 minutes (he always greets me warmly), paid the equivalent of $3, then walked across the street to the pharmacy, waited another 5 minutes for my medicine while drinking my complimentary vitamin C juice (by the pharmacist who also greets me warmly), paid another $15 for my 3 medications (that would run me about $200 back home), then was on my way. As I was sitting waiting for my prescriptions I started thinking how much I was going to miss the ease, simplicity, and affordability of the Korean healthcare system. This thought led to more thoughts about many of the things I'm going to miss in Korea. Suddenly I was sitting there all teary-eyed, painfully realizing (again) that leaving Korea is going to be hard. As time continues to tick down, this thought seems to surface often and is usually followed by increasing feelings of sadness. I know it's a perfectly normal emotion to be experiencing right before ending a chapter in life. As I sat there in the pharmacy with my sadness, I came up with a mental checklist of things I will either miss about Korea or be happy to leave behind. Without further adieu, here is a hard copy more for myself than anything else.

Things I'm going to miss:
- my friends who are basically my family now, some of which I might never see again face to face.
- the diversity of friendships I have here. I literally have good friends from all corners of the earth.
- open-minded people. people who don't necessarily think the same way as me or share my spiritual faith but still respect me.
- my korean family at our climbing gym.
- a communal culture that values the common good over narrow self-interest, independence, and self-indulgence.
- living simply and easily within my means and not being too attached to my material possessions.
- my 20 hour/4 day work week (full-time pay).
- 4 months paid vacation a year. the time and means to travel extensively and experience new ways of life.
- having the free time to pursue my passions and discover new ones.
- as previously mentioned, efficient and affordable healthcare.
- the extensive and cheap public transportation system (bus, train, subway).
- the squishy, uber-flat, asphalt river trail just outside my house.
- fresh, local, seasonal, and affordable produce.
- the sweetest strawberries, juciest peaches, most fragrant purple grapes, crunchiest apples, and abundant persimmons.
- a farmers market that is open all day, everyday
- the wrinkled, old, hunched over ladies that sell the produce at said farmers market.
- the amazing vegetable gardens and grape vineyards along the river trail by my house.
- the endless hiking trails outside my front door.
- the dozen or so climbing areas within 1 1/2 hours drive.
- cheap acupuncture and alternative/oriental medicine.
- floor heat.
- $5 jimjilbangs. Sauna/spa like places that are oh, so relaxing yet affordable.
- really delicious, homemade kimchi.
- quick, cheap, healthy food options.
- squatty potties.

Things I'm NOT going to miss:
- crazy, erratic drivers.
- ridiculously slow, incompetent drivers.
- scarcity of toilet paper and/or soap in restrooms (especially in restaurants).
- toilet paper dispensers at the front entrance of the restroom instead of the stall (what to do when one wipe just isn't enough).
- girls smoking in the bathrooms at school.
- boys smoking at the end of the hallways at school.
- the wafting sewage smells.
- old men hocking up loogies and spitting them all over the ground.
- dodging said loogies on the ground.
- old men peeing in public places in plain sight.
- old men getting drunk and obnoxious on soju.
- kimchi/soju breath (especially in the morning).
- people staring at me wherever I go.
- lack of personal space.
- our leaky roof
- the premium price placed on dairy products.
- the lack of cheese selection.
- the humidity in the summer.

I suppose that's a good start. Living in Korea has really changed me. Of course I'm still the same; same inherent personality, temperament, spiritual foundation. But I've learned, grown, and yes, changed. I have new perspectives on nearly everything. I think more outside the box now. My biggest fear in coming home is that I'll fall right back into my old negative patterns of existence that I've worked so hard to extinguish. Patterns that my culture at home will tempt me to embrace. But I have high hopes for myself that what I've learned from this chapter will stick with me and I'll be able to go home and continue living out my life with purpose and intention. I hope to stand firm and not veer from the path I'm on. I've just gone to see the world, now maybe I can live up to my desire and be the change I want to see back home.

Friendship

Friendships are rather complex, if you ask me. I haven't had too many friends that just "clicked" outright. This probably says more about me than the friends I have. Recently, I've been analyzing what makes a good friend. Here's my list so far. Feel free to contribute your own additions.
1. Have something in common: This could be as simple as a favorite color (if you're 5), movie genre, gas station (Quiktrip), job (if you enjoy it), sports, hobbies. Pretty much anything that you can talk about and share enthusiasm over.
2. Have matching communication: This is a more intricate detail, not easily described in words. Interrupting is a good example. Some people (person A) may interrupt others because they are so excited about the information they want to share. Other people (peron B) choose to wait to speak until there is a pause in the conversation. Neither is necessarily right or wrong, they're just different. But when person A and person B get together to chat, A might think B is uptight or rigid, while B thinks A is rude and doesn't let people think. Other examples: comfort with silence, eye contact, body language.
3. Similar levels of openness: This one is a doozy! Basically, both people need to feel like they can be themselves. It's this unspoken rule that you can only share so much about yourself before another shares the same. If the other person doesn't open up the way you did, then you wonder if you said too much. This is the same with giving advice. Many people have mentor friends without knowing it. That's when A is always going to B when they need advice. But B never goes to A in the same way. It's like a big brother or sister instead of an equal friend. When both people are able to open up, be themselves, ask questions, give and get answers, and receive acceptance in all this, then the friendship is genuine.
4. Shared sense of care: This one is all about not having an agenda. There are many ways to show another person you care about them, but the main point is that your friend knows you care about them. When you contact someone via one of today's various technologies (Facebook, email, phone, text, etc), how often do you contact that person without a reason? I think in today's day and age, it's easy to get so busy that we begin to only think about ourselves. How do I get everything done I need to today? When we are able to slow down and think about people that are important in our lives, our close friends are probably some of the first that come to mind. It's important to care for others, just as it is to feel cared for. This is why a "pointless" phone call or message can go so far. Being married, I know that "just because" gifts go much further than birthday gifts, or any other time gifts are expected. "Just because" means "I thought of you for no other reason than that I care for you." Love is not a fulfillment of an expectation; it is a pouring out of one's heart.
5. Have something to offer: This one sounds pretty simple, but many people go into friendships with the perspective of, "what can I get out of this?" In it's most raw form, this outlook is not a friendship; it's a business endeavor. Having something to offer means, you are willing to give of yourself because you care about the other person, no strings attached. It's very closely related to #4. Friendship goes against the grain of our society because it can't be measured in worth. You can't buy or sell a friendship. So in light of this, you have to be willing to give of yourself without expecting anything in return. Some might say, "you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours." But this perspective falls short. You will always be looking for ways to make things even. Yes, a friendships works best when it's equally yoked, but if the friendship itself is hinged on this point, it is not made to last. If you can learn to give without expecting in return, you have learned the greatest and toughest point. Unconditional love.