Writing and Resting

Dusty and I are taking a day of rest today. I think we've been needing it since we got here. I've been battling a nasty cold all week. Right now I'm drinking ginger tea with honey. It's supposed to be good for you. I think my cold has moved mostly to my chest and I've been coughing up a lot of crap, which is good because it means it's on its way out. All the changes have been such a shock to my system the past few weeks. My diet changed dramatically overnight and suddenly my body is forced to adjust. That, along with the time change, new surroundings, air pollution, change in weather, and new germs and bacteria has taken its toll on me physically. I've felt really tired all week and have been sleeping 9-12 hours a night. From talking to other teachers, what I'm going through is common. Most foreign teachers tell me they experienced one adjustment after another the first month they were here. Dusty's immune system seems to be holding up a little better, although he has been complaining of a sore throat which is how my cold started. But he's like He-Man or something. He never gets as sick or as tired as I do. He's like a 6 month old puppy and I'm like Legend. I try to keep up, but I'm getting old and I tire more quickly.

This week has also been an emotional struggle for me as well. I've felt somewhat lethargic and depressed at times. It's always difficult to pick up and move your life somewhere new. This time is different though. I'm faced with some new challenges. First, I've picked up and moved my life to a foreign country. Second, I did it with my husband rather than alone. I'm learning a lot about myself and Dusty through this process of transition. Dusty says it's like I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I want attention, yet I want to be left alone. I'm like a walking paradox. My mood can change in an instant. I can go from easygoing to irritable in minutes. I'm just so emotional. Luckily, Dusty is very patient with me.

Since moving to Seoul I have noticed a change in our marriage. Our highs feel really high and our lows feel really low. Our feelings and emotions are more intense. Our communication has broken down a few times since we've been here but we are both very stubborn and determined and we hate to be at odds. Because of this, we always find our way back to each other. There are so many things we are forced to renegotiate in our marriage which means we have to communicate about things more than we're used to. This takes a lot of time and patience. Luckily, we have a lot of time. If you pray, you could pray that God would give us more patience with each other... especially me. How we spend money, what activities we participate in, how much time we spend together, how much time we spend alone, how much time we spend together with others, how much time we spend separately with others are all new adjustments. The environment we live in is also a lot different than home. Many of the people in our lives have different values and beliefs. There is a lot of diversity here which is a good thing but different than what we're used to back home. It feels a little like college sometimes. Being married puts us in a minority population. Although most people here are around our age, there are only three other couples living here. Everyone else is single. Sometimes it feels like people automatically classify us as boring just because we're married. I hope we can crush that label. We very much want to have fun with everyone and build relationships with people from all walks of life.

At this point, I think we're trying to figure out where we fit in and who we want to get to know better. Lots of people here like to go out and get trashed. Dusty and I are open to going out and having a drink or two and being social with people but we really have no desire to get wasted. I lived that lifestyle in college and it's not that satisfying, not to mention it's very expensive. Our goal living here is to pay off student loans, not to live a life of excess. It's so hard to live in the world but not be of the world. There is that temptation to try and keep up with everyone just to fit in better. So we find ourselves needing to set boundaries with drinking and going out which is something we've never really had to negotiate before in our relationship. Luckily, there are several people here who aren't into the "party scene" so we have other options of ways to spend our time hanging out with people.

As for me, sometimes I wish I wasn't so shy when I first meet people. I'm always so self-conscious and worried about what others think of me. I can't relax. I watch Dusty meet new people and he seems so at ease. He's like the social butterfly, and I'm like the wall decoration. I feel so awkward. I like to hide in the corner and wait for people to come to me. My mom says I've always been that way and that I can come off as snobby. I know that's how I get judged sometimes but I don't mean to come off that way. I just don't like making meaningless small talk, which is how initial conversations usually are with people you first meet. I tend to sit back and watch others and figure out who I have things in common with. Then, very deliberately I pick my friends. I think this is something inherent in my personality. I've been this way since preschool. Not sure if it's good or bad but it's the way I am and I accept it about myself. The problem with it is, it takes me a long time to make friends. The good side is, I make good, close friends and usually keep them forever. But right now, I'm still a new face in a new place which means I'm still a little uncomfortable and have not figured out who my friends are yet. Luckily, I have my best friend here with me when I feel lonely. It's just that he's made a million friends by now and I'm still feeling alone. I guess that's just one way God created us different. I look forward to the days when I have ease and comfort in relationships with other friends here.

Praises:
- That I am starting to get over my cold and that I have today to rest.
- That God has provided us with others here who share in our beliefs.

Prayers:
- Fellowship with other Believers.
- That God would show us how to love each and every person that comes into our life, no matter their lifestyle or beliefs.
- That God would strengthen our marriage by giving us patience with one another and reminding us to be quick to listen, slow to speak.
- That in our weakness and vulnerability, our faith in God would be strengthened.