One Life

This past month has been a whirlwind! This is the first full day I have spent at home in quite a long time. Actually, the plan was to go climbing today... but I just needed a day of rest at home more than anything else. I just looked back at my planner and realized that the last 5 weekends have been spent away from home. I've been to both ends of this country, hung out with some really awesome people, and climbed some really big rocks. And I've managed to somehow keep my day job. Sheesh! No wonder I'm tired and the house is a wreck. And suddenly, we only have two more weeks until our first year in Korea is finished and it's time to go back to America. How time flies when you're busy having fun, living life to its fullest.

It's finally starting to sink in that my life is about to completely change again. I'm going to have to say goodbye to all the amazing friends that I've made here. The predictability of my daily life that I've grown so accustomed to in the last year will come to an abrupt end as I hop on a plane to come home. I will once again be homeless and in transition. This seems to be a recurring trend in my life. But this time, I welcome the change. I'm no longer as afraid of not knowing what the future holds. I've learned to be okay with feeling a little insecure, a little uncomfortable. I've done it so many times before. Only this time, I get to return to something familiar. I get to see friends and family. I get to love on my precious dog, Legend. I get to take an extended 4ish month vacation with no set plans. I get to serve the people in my life who love me most and show them how much I love and appreciate them. I have the opportunity to be fully present with them, without competing distractions. What an amazing opportunity of a lifetime! I can hardly wait!

These times of transition seem to be when I learn the most about myself. It's when I feel most alive in my life. I can't just rely on my own plans. I can't be organized, efficient, and practical. I can't depend on my methodical routine to get me through the day. Instead, I'm faced with a lot of unknowns. I get to rely on God and watch in amazement as he lays down a path before me. This is when my faith and trust in God are most strengthened and refined. I develop patience, flexibility, and adaptability.

I'm especially looking forward to seeing how my experiences here have changed my perspective on things at home. I know I've grown. I know I've changed. I know I'll see things with new eyes. I wonder what it will feel like, look like. There will be one major decision to make when we're home... whether or not to return for another year in South Korea or stay in America and start putting down some roots. It's a BIG decision. One I know I won't be able to make until I'm home. Right now I'm leaning towards returning for one more year. I can't imagine not coming back here. I already know I will miss it here when I'm home. I will miss my dear friends, the simple lifestyle, the idiosyncrasy of Korea. I will miss the kids that I teach. Oh, how I have come to adore them. They have managed to sneak their way into a soft spot in my heart. But my reason for wanting to come back to Korea stretches beyond that. It's fairly simple and straightforward. I don't feel ready to live in America.

I know it probably sounds strange to most people who already live there. Living in America is relatively easy. Good. Comfortable. Why would you want to live anywhere else? Well, precisely for those same reasons. I'm not sure I want that life, though it's incredibly tempting. But it's because it's tempting that I don't feel quite ready to come home yet. I know that America offers more than a good, easy, comfortable life. I'm blessed with the freedom to choose whatever lifestyle I want. But there are cultural norms and expectations. Being a married woman at the age of 29 in America, the supposed next step for me would be to buy a house with my husband, fill it with some stuff, have some kids and a dog, and work at a career to help maintain that lifestyle. Now, I'm not opposed to any of these things. In fact, the more time that goes on, the more I think I will want some of these things for myself. Just not yet. I want to make these decisions intentionally and deliberately, not simply because it's what everyone else does and expects me to conform to. After all, you only get one life. I want to use mine wisely. I don't feel ready for those things yet. It may be more appealing to me in the future but right now the thought of it feels stifling and mundane. I think I'd rather continue on my tradition of following the road less traveled. I want to live without those things now so that I can focus my time and energy elsewhere. Right now, my heart's desire is to see more of the world, meet more people, hear more stories, climb more rocks, continue living simply, and try to remain unattached to material wealth, all the while growing closer to God and growing more into the woman He created me to be. Now, ask me in four months and everything could be completely different. All that is certain is that I will be walking with God. Ah, the beauty and mystery that come with surrendering your life to Christ.